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(look at the stars)

"and with her touch he began to flyyy" [20 May 2004|09:48pm]
ALRIGHT so alot has fucking happend.

Some person told on me for supposable having Drugs in school. ummm ok am i that stupid? So i got pulled out of 2nd period, got searched from head to toe, purse locker binder. And the fucked up thing is i got suspended cuz they found a lighter. God and i didnt even have any drugs on me. And then they said since i didnt have any drugs on me, and i had 30 dollars that i had to of sold it to some one because "jr high kids just dont carry that much money around" haha fuck that. So i got suspended. And the person that told is messed up.

God then i had ISS, then a jackson history test. Which ALL of mrs jacksons classes had to retake because we had a sub and EVERYONE screamed the answers out and everyone cheated except for the person who told on everyone for cheating. haha i swear i knew sum1 was gonna tell.

Oh yes BEN PLEADED GUILTY. I dont have to go to trial.

im getting a tattoo.

since i cant go to the last days of school im goin to me dads sooner than i thought.

Im stayin in a motel for the first time this week with stephen dan sara and maybe blake and mike then my dads commin on satuday to meet them.

GOD ok my mom and dad are going out in saturday for dinner. haha thats not a good thing. Mom hates dad, dad LOVES mom, they havent been alone or even talked in person for over 10 years now. haha damn this isnt gona be pretty.

lastly i love my friends. haha ok well i shoulda put that first but oh well!! EMILY AND ALL MY GIRLS I DUNNO WHAT ID DO WITHOUT YOU!!!!!!!!!

i still have alot more ill ecpalim later.

(1 see how goddamn ugly they are | look at the stars)

*choice is yours* [16 May 2004|01:26am]
Yea so uhm i got a new layout. haha jason edited that pic of me and i just loved it oh so much so i had to put it on.

Yea emilys been acting weird latly and i dont like it~
OH i just remembered the words!!!

Its the song that never it ends it goes on and on my friends
when you start it singing and not knowin what it was
you start it singing just because
its the song that never it ends
it goes on and on my freiends...

Anyways I think im still moving to my dads. Hes comming up on friday to talk about it.

HA yea im starting my whole bad girl thing again. Iv been staying up all night and sleeping all day. I hated when i did that before and i hate it now. oh well.


(10 see how goddamn ugly they are | look at the stars)

"His touch made her tingle" [13 May 2004|10:01pm]

How do you tell really good friend that you dont want to be with him that way?

I got asked out the other day. yea i know. and hes a really good friend. But for once, i really dont want a guy. Im sick of man drama. Theres only one man in this world that i want. and going out with other guys isnt gonna get me any closer to him.


its funny how people ask me why i want to be famous and big someday. My dream is to model, to sing, and act. Its not just some fantasy of mine. Its a hope. A Hope that someday ill prove them wrong, i CAN be something. And that some day when i look back on when they didnt believe in me, ill smile.


(look at the stars)

[08 May 2004|07:18pm]



(look at the stars)

how many siblings do i have? [08 May 2004|06:44pm]
HOLY FUCKING SHIT. Today uhh cant get any worse? So about 3 days ago i FINALLY decided i will go with my dad. It was a sure thing. so today..

I woke up when my gma pounding on my door "YOUR DADS HERE!" so i spent 15 minutes getting ready and went out side to see him...and the "surprise" he had for me. so i saw him...and two other kids? "alex... these are your lil brother and sister, and u have another one in cali but u know about him" he says. I mean their the cutest things in the world i admit. But this totally screwed up my decision on moving in with my dad. Cuz first off i THOUGHT he lived alone with his one son. So i though HEY it wont be to hard for one more right? But now theres gonna be what? 5 people there? and my dad is a single parent? GOD will he even afford to have me move in with him???????????? GOD of all things i didnt expect THAT to happen. i mean FUCK talk about a slap in the face. So for the rest of the day i hung out with my little sister...and brother. mostly sisiter since iv never had one. But yea then we went to breakfast and now my dads gone to cali again. And we didnt even get to go shopping. fuck whatever. i love my new siblings. im just in shock..

Their names are
Brandi- the baby whos 7 months old.
Dominik- 1 and a half years old.

i love them to death. i love KIDS! but uhhhhhh 6 siblings? And i foumd out my aunt on my dads side has uhh 11 kids? i mean DAMN pretty soon my familys gonna run the world!


(look at the stars)

*im sorry i hurt you* [05 May 2004|09:22pm]

OK- an actual update. alots been going on latly. so much to the point where i cant get myself up every morning. but i pull through i guess. im not gonna drop out again. and im proud. i still dont know whether or not to move in with my dad or not. i guess i still have 2 months to decide. i think i will. i mean i want to leave my past behind me. but i dont think i can leave the people i love. before i wouldnt leave because i loved alot of people. now theres only 4 people in the world i would stay for. Emily, G, M, And my bros. And two of them will probably never talk to me again, my bros are growing up, so that leaves emily right? But i cant stay for one person who i cant even talk to outside of school. so maybe i just answered my own question. i will go.


Anyways im partying this fride to celebrate cinco de mayo.


which brings me to my next issue. Theres this guy. haha i know WOW. But its different. Hes not like the totaly druggy  sk8ter type that i usually go for like guy or mark for example. This guy is a total nerd, average looking, but a great personality. i think ill date him for a while just to try something new. but im not sure yet, theres still sum holes i need to fill.


ugh so much more is going on right now. so much i can hardly handle it. but atleast im handling it better than i would have b4. and im proud of myself for that.

~Im sorry I hurt you. Im sorry I got us caught up in a relationship when I was no where near ready or stable to play my part in . Im sorry for all the drama I caused and all the emotions I got thrown around. But im not the same. Im not that person anymore. And I love you. ~


(look at the stars)

firsts [01 May 2004|10:06pm]
time getting high: like once in 6t
time gettin drunk: like 6th
date: haha 6th i think.
time having sex: 14
time you ate sea food: never
time getting in trouble for something really big: oh god prolly the holloween thing. wasnt the first time gettin in trouble but the first time involving like 2 cop cars 3 ambulances and like 2 helicopters haha
detention: :) im a good girl.
time getting a filling: never
fist fight: haha girls just yell and pull hair.
questioned existance: never actually
first screen name: angleeyes070689 <--haha i think thats the one cory made for me.
first self-purchased album: like brittney spears or sumtin in 3rd grade when me and shannon we're obseesed with her and "hit me baby one more time"
first pets: 2 hampsters
first big trip: hasnt happend yet.
last big car ride: hmmmm
last real kiss: umm uhhh god i dont remember!! iv been stayin away from bfs for a while! haha i figured i should stop dating till im 16.
last good cry: ROFL EMILY!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
last movie seen: lion king one and a half
last movie seen in a theater: starskey and hutch with hope!! haha or that one time me kelsey ashley clay and jeff snuck into the girl next door and got caught.
last beverage drank: tea :(
last food consumed: IM ON A DIET THANK YOU! *a mcdonalds happy meal...shhh!*
last phone call: from my doper girl.
last TV show watched: one tree hill.
last shoes worn: um my cute white heel sandal toe shoes.
last CD played: Stone temple piolets
last item bought: prolly food haha oh no it was a lighter!
last cigarette: like an hour ago
last book read: haha sadly i dont rememver, but i do read alot. surprisingly.
last time showered: this morning
last words spoken: CYA DOPER (saying bye to emily)
last sleep: last night
last IM: derek?
last time wanting to die: :0 never!
last time dancing: haha just a second ago.

ok that was fun....i might just update soon.

(look at the stars)

[26 Apr 2004|09:40pm]


a friend came for me with a serious problem. i dont know how im gonna deal with this one. But i promose you babe, ill do what i can for it to stop. Ill be there by ur side. and ill help you through it. I know things will get better.

(look at the stars)

*LONG UPDATE* [26 Apr 2004|09:21pm]

OK so the past couple of days have been...weird? haha saturday night was alot of confusion. Then sunday OMFG alot of uhh crying? and yelling? and ALOT OF FUCKING DRAMA! OMG it was crazy! It was like all my friends goin at it...then same with today! And ugh i wanna see if i can get out of woodshop. i hate it. 3rd pd i had a cool talk with dustin on how i should grow taller.  5th pd me and gabby talked....SIXTH pd! OMG I GOT FUCKING GOOD IN JACKSONS TEST! It brought me up from a F to a C! OMG thats the best iv ever gotten in that class! And i really need to bring my grades up............haha my GPA wasnt too good.  yea then after school emily went to uhh soccer and i went to the PWM modeling agency to check in....they uhh styled my hair weird? and they also said i needed to lose 5 pounds! haha which is what they told me last time? GOD DAMNIT EMILY ITS YOUR FAULT FEEDING ME ALL THOSE DAMN COOKIES!! haha yea but in a few weeks ill be signed! YESSA! plus itll help me get through gymnastics! and get a scholarship and hopefully lead to singing or acting for my future ;)! haha then i can move to cali with emily!



so goals for this week:

Call carmen about my Gymnastics Schedule

Lose 5 pounds

Learn how to style my hair on my own haha

not wear as much eyeliner because "it shows off a more sexual side of a model rather than the beauty....BEAUTY IS WHAT WE'RE LOOKING FOR NOT PLAY BOY!" - john from the agency




im gonna change the world someday. just watch. then youll be sorry for what you said.


(3 see how goddamn ugly they are | look at the stars)

[25 Apr 2004|02:54am]

(look at the stars)

[25 Apr 2004|02:36am]













(3 see how goddamn ugly they are | look at the stars)

[22 Apr 2004|10:23pm]
Blahh i almost died today. U dont even understand. Today i had to see ben and his family for the first time in 4 years. AHHHHHHH if emily hadnt called me b4 then i woulda died. I mean its like that nervousness and scaredness where u just cant think or breath and u shake. AHHHH Worse off This was just a bail hearing. SInce his bail amount was $100,000 to get outa jail...sumtin happend and its not...nothing. Hes out. After we got him pissed for the bail hearing and hes out. ahh and it was even worse when we had to sit 2 feet away from his family who looked like they wanted to kill me....and dan (his dad) wouldnt stop looking at me with this i wanna kill u look. AHH Then when they announced he was free untill the trial which is...june 1st as if now.....all i could hear was bens mom and sister looking over and saying "yes! yes!" just to get me pissed. Then they walked right in front of me giving me the "in your face" look. WHich im gonna laugh at when we win the trial. But omg after this point, and then my mom yelling at me for lookng at his parents, and mark sitting there asking me if i felt alright...then wondering why guy called me and hung up this morning....i almost burst into tears but i didnt want to when ben was in the room. And even after that i didnt cuz im a big gurl!!! HAHA Yea it was kinda scary....but hey my dads commin back in a couple days!!! WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOO i love him hes so awsome!!


(look at the stars)

[21 Apr 2004|09:26pm]
Yea so iv been in a bad mood all week. Im sorry
But this week fucking sucks...first the whole dad thing...then m y daddy left. Then my mom went to the doctors to remove cancer cells even though theyv spread and cant get em all....
and right now im fucking scared SHITLESS cuz i have to skip school to go to court *yay for alex* GOD i dont want to see ben. THis is going to be the first time iv seen him in 4 years. And better yet we're gonna be in the same room. And he gets to listen while i talk about what he did to me. Facing me the whole time. GOD. I dont know if im strong enough to even be by him right now. And better yet i cant go to the fucking last day of school cuz thats the new trial date. TOmorrrows just a bail hearing. :( and emily mught come with me....and sum1 else. Blahhhh

Anyways....i love little kids :) Theyre so fucking cute you dont even understand....like my lil bro when he came home and buahgt me a bracelet with his green points (its a kindergarten thing). Or like emilys lil sis "im gonna linger that dirty worm" haha little kids are awsome!

(2 see how goddamn ugly they are | look at the stars)

[19 Apr 2004|10:37pm]
WOOHOOO ME AND EMILY ARE DRESSING HOT 2MORROW! FYI FYI I DO NOT HAVE A LITHSP! ROFLROFL omg thats so awsome! And u know what else is awsome!? My dog....and hot hot naked body taking a shower..muahahah G'NIGHT ALL!

but before i go i have to tell u something....



have orgasms
for 30 minutes.

(look at the stars)

[19 Apr 2004|10:13pm]
sry for the last post.....i really wanted u all to see it...

in other news my dad leaves 2morrow! AND I LOVE EMILY JOHNSON ahah thats all fer now.

(look at the stars)

[19 Apr 2004|09:15pm]

ha ok so today didnt go so good. I went to school, felt like shit and i was in a bad mood so my g-ma came to pick me up. God its like, have u ever thought about one person so much it made u sick? Yea thats kinda what happend...


I got home and i looked through old photos....and it made me kinda sad...heres why....


^^yes so thats my mommy and daddy when they were happy. And together.

Look hard at these pictures....

-----Section one----




----Section 2---



So whats the difference between section one and two? Section one was when i was a hapy little girl, a daddys gurl. When i actually knew my dad. And when i was his baby. I mean i was lookin at those and u can jus see a sparkle in my eye. I was so happy...

Section to u ask? Section two is when my daddy was takin away from me. When my mom met Ben. You can tell in those pictues just by my face how scared i was just to move. The sparkle left......and its kinda sad cuz the man that did that to me...is still in my life and is still ruining it to this day. Ugh...infact....heres the only pic i have of him.

yep thats ben. wow huh? god. funny how one mans actions can screw up your whole life.



^yea yea and those are pics of my mom. yea shes hotter than i am shut up. shes not even really my mom.


blahh ok im done now.......it just made me think.

(8 see how goddamn ugly they are | look at the stars)

[17 Apr 2004|11:31pm]

haha i just got this msg from lexii



Auto response from xoAli3Babixo: tv

this was probably the best day of my life.....there was only one thing missing though...ill leave that thing to your imaginations.

call the cell

ISLGSH                                                                                         DancinMyDreams: I KNOW WHAT IT MEANS!
DancinMyDreams: :-)
DancinMyDreams: lexi is a smart one
DancinMyDreams: :-)
DancinMyDreams: but im ou
DancinMyDreams: t
DancinMyDreams: we'll talk soon
DancinMyDreams: sweet dreams!
DancinMyDreams: xo girl!
DancinMyDreams: night!
DancinMyDreams signed off at 11:15:43 PM.


lol its like that girl just read my mind.....PSSS


(look at the stars)

[17 Apr 2004|10:43pm]


EMILY IS BACK!!!!!!!!!! Gurl i almost died! haha how can i go a whole week without talking to my sexiest bitch of all time!

(4 see how goddamn ugly they are | look at the stars)

"has i jus seen a mouse!" [17 Apr 2004|08:40pm]

I LOVE SPRING BREAK! This has been by far the best break yet. Iv hardly spent one day at home!

I spent the most time at RTC chillen with alotta people

BUT thats besides the point! MY DADDY CAME TODAY!!!! I KNEW HE WOULD! hahahaha ok so heres what went down. (FYIFYI for those of you who dont know....i havent seen/heard from my dad for 0ver 10 years and spent most my life trying to find him again)

-My dad called at like 10 last night saying he drove all the way here from california which took me by surprise. Then he came to pick me up at like 9am this morning. We went to rubies, ate breakfast, talked ALOT. I found out alot about my past and what really happend, and why things turned out the way they did. And from hearing what happend, i have alot more recpect for my dad. And alot less for my mom. By anyways then we walked around RTC....went to a couple store...talked about whats happend in the past years. Its so weird how  much we're alike! Been through the same things, my family treats us both different from the others.TThings the same way, and even have the same sense of humor. I could prolly tell him anything. But anyways then we went to alderwood mall to look around...heres a conversation we had

daddy-"its a mickey mouse wizard with sparkles comming out"                  

Me: "WHAT!?

daddy "U asked me about my tatoo didnt you?"

me "no i asked about a lapoon"

"what the hells a lapoon"

me " i have no clue...but i didnt say anything about a tatoo..........where is this tatoo by the way?"

daddy" haha thats smart talk right there...girl u got the sense of humor like a crazy woman.....i can tell we're gonna get along already"

WAHOOOO i love the way my dad talks...we saw a movie and we he saw a mouse in the theatre...this is what was said

---Correct saying--- "i just saw a mouse over there"

--dads version-- "shit i jus seen a mouse ova thurr"

lol i like it. BUT anyways we drove back to my house....talked in the drive way for like an hour....then he left :( but hes taking me shopping 2morrow!!!!! AHAHHAHA i love him!


Anyways then after he left me and my brothers played around. I ended up having a grass fight with them.......rolling around in the ground.......haha i havent done that in years.

--u know whats kinda weird...is i remember when i was with guy, saying i wanted him to be the first to meet my dad....and sumhow thats still true.



(look at the stars)

[15 Apr 2004|08:47pm]
OK so today was fun i guess. i Hung out with kelsey brianna brittney jeef and cuay. haha we had fun i guess but i was SO FUCKING PISSED AT MYSELF! So there i was in rubies......chowing down on fries.....and i see guy walk by. I FORZE and jumped up to say hi to him but by that time every1 was up and screamin after him. GOD i miss that kid so bad. HAHA so the rest of the time i was shaking, cuz thats what i do when im nervous. Then the rest of the time i spent with brittney looking in every "GUY" store. But i guess he left. GR i wish id talk to him! I really wanna have a whole non fight conversation with him. i mean god its almost been a year since iv seen.talked to him! oh well if he wants to talk to me then itll happen

I'm not a perfect person
There's many thing I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

Ive found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

Im sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

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